Love Will Not Work Without These 3 Things

What a week! After spending time vacationing in beautiful, British Columbia (and giving myself a quick concussion on the way…), I’m filled with inspiration to write about something that I myself have little experience in: love. I’m not a married man, nor some guru of romance, so naturally the inspiration came from two of the sweetest people who find themselves nestled into Nelson, B.C..
Grandma and Gramps have lived in a little honey-hole on the lake for almost 25 years, and have been together happily and successfully for 52 years. I’ve known them for over a decade now, but spending time in their home as they hosted myself and some of my friends (and their grandson of course) allowed me to get to know them a little more intimately then I had previously.

As someone who doesn’t even know what my next week looks like, to see people who have managed 52 years in the company of one another is something I can’t even begin to fathom- but after talking to them I begin to understand.

Grandma and I walk out in to the garden, flowers and plants surrounding the borders of the property, only ending for the expanse of the deep blue that is the lake.

Yeah, the Kootenay lake is their backyard. Gentle mountains cozied around the lake finish off the view that happens to be their every day view.

We take a seat, and I mention to Grandma about why I wanted to talk to her. I explain that I was taken aback to see a happy, vibrant love between two people who have spent more than double the time together than I have spent on the earth, and that I was eager to find out how she makes it work.

For anyone that knows Grandma, the joy and energy that bubbles out of her is always apparent and this surely doesn’t change for our conversation. She immediately begins talking about her main man, and how important he is to her.

The love and compassion she so evidently possesses for the love of her life is visible in far more than her words; when looking at her mannerisms and body language it’s easy to see that this is easy to talk about.

After talking to her, I wrote down the pillars that hold up her love, relationship, and marriage.

1. Love and most of it’s success is hinged on you and how you govern yourself within it to foster growth.

The first of what I gather while talking to her corrects a way I had been thinking up until this point. In my comparatively miniscule experience, I had been under the impression that finding the right partner was 99 percent of the battle. Quickly after talking to Grandma, I come to realize that this isn’t quite right. How we act, how we respond, and how we behave play a tremendous role in the success of our relationships- and is something we will always be able to control.

2. Patience, and understanding how important this is in your relationship is crucial.

“We all think differently, we’re on different levels.” Realizing that there will be struggles, and that not every day is roses is key. Much like the hours of winding roads endured to get to the mountains required patience, love requires patience and endurance.

3. Being mindful and willing to communicate, while also understanding the importance of it.

Everyone knows how to communicate when they need something badly, but understanding the importance of talking about things is essential. Much of the time it’s external factors, like our egos, or emotions that prevent us from communicating in the right way. Mostly everyone knows that talking is good, but simply being mindful of how important it is, combined with a willingness to talk about things in the right way go a long way.

. . .

One profound aspect explained to me by Grandma is the nature of how dynamic and changing we as people are. We will always be changing, and having a willingness to grow and change together is an ingredient of success in a partnership. Being adaptable is a terrific quality, and factoring in someone else and how they may change is amazing. Growth is a motivating concept, and the thought of growing alongside someone else, in sync is extremely attractive.

As we sit on the bench swing, the compassion that radiates from her is immense. Time and time again she stresses how important Grandpa is to her, yet even without her repeating these comments, they are found subliminally in virtually everything she says. 

I thank her for sitting down to chat with me and she hurries off to continue her day- only stopping to give Gramps a quick kiss as she passes by.

Gramps with the proudest catch of his life, and a fish

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required
Email Address *
First Name
Last Name

(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=’EMAIL’;ftypes[0]=’email’;fnames[1]=’FNAME’;ftypes[1]=’text’;fnames[2]=’LNAME’;ftypes[2]=’text’;}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

How Having The Wrong Mindset Will Kill You

The human mind is crazy, and the things it’s capable of really blow me away. Having the right mindset when looking at the intimidatingly mountainous task of making something of yourself is everything; failing to do so can keep you stuck standing still. I myself used to be quite the negative guy, justifying my pessimism by attributing it to only being ‘realistic’.

“Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity.”

I came across this quote the other day from the legendary Will Smith, long since my favourite celebrity since he showed the world how fresh being a prince in a rich suburb really was. First, I took these words in for what they are and internalized them. Second, I posted about it to contribute to Will Smith Wednesday (it’s a real thing, and I shouldn’t even be surprised that the internet beat me to the punch on this one).

If you follow this stud through out his career, you can see just how relentlessly hard he works in order to get to where he is- and I’ve also always admired how he never hides from his emotions or feelings, regardless of what it might make people think. As being honest and vulnerable with yourself has been a pretty big theme lately, you can see why this is a big deal.

But it made me think about placebo and how well-documented it is about how much tricking the mind can really do. From things such as people feeling stronger and more balanced when they put a rubber band on their wrist, to people literally being exposed to stuff they’re allergic to and feeling nothing because they took a pill to supposedly ‘counteract’ their allergy (when it was nothing but a capsule of sugar).

Seriously, even studies were done on placebo trials with dogs suffering from epilepsy, and found that both control groups of dogs reacted positively to the medication- and again, one group of pills was nothing. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one, but great news for the pups.

So what does that mean for us? When I heard about stuff like this I felt a burning desire to harness this in some way to really maximize what I’m capable of, plus those around me.

If someone came from the future, gave you some irrefutable evidence that they were in fact straight out of the future and McFlyin’ back only to let you know how wildly successful you were about to become in a few years- would you believe them?

This drives me wild. If there was undeniable evidence of something so definite and concrete about how we are going to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted to achieve, you have no other choice but to believe it. Making this change in your mind opens pathways in your head, and your brain sets out to work on routing the journey between where you are, and where you are told you are going.

If this sounds crazy to you- good.

But believe it or not, the visionaries and monumental innovators in this world all started as bright-eyed students of life, planning their moves that would soon change the world. Don’t think for a second that these people did not possess a grande, elaborate visual of what was to come. Thinking and visualizing all of the intricacies and tiny details about what you want out of yourself and your life is the biggest step you can take to start hiking towards that mental picture. From being the CEO of some outlandish company to fully taking control of your own happiness, whatever you want most is yours.

Allowing yourself to see the finished product before you’re done is like building a puzzle and having some of the pieces around the border put together, making it easier because you’re able to visualize the puzzle completed and whole.

Why would your dreams be any different?

Thinking for success is the first step, but it is still nothing without knowing. Converting this belief into a rock-solid knowledge is necessary and removes the doubts in your mind that might end up slowing you down. You need to let your mind know how possible what you’re doing is before you’re able to see solutions and actions to get you closer to your goal. If you think something simply cannot be done, you immediately shut down a huge chunk of your mind’s power generators that can be utilized to produce solutions to obstacles in your way. Your mind will not be creative in seeking out an answer for something you’ve already taped off as impossible. Why would it?

“I can create whatever I want to create.”

Another piece of gold from Will, and I encourage you to check out the engine underneath the hood of the people that inspire you most. Understanding what makes these people tick can shed some light on how you can help yourself improve.

And for placebo- be that friend around everyone that’s always feeding people heaps of positivity. If you’re able to tell people what they’re good at, the simple reality is that they will truly become better at it. I would say to keep things realistic, but studies have even shown how placebos still work even when the group knows they are taking a placebo. This means that even when people know that the medication or aid is completely fake, it still makes them do better than the people without it.  If that doesn’t tell you to always believe in yourself, I don’t know what will.

Now I’ll ask again: if someone all-knowing could tell you how wildly successful and happy you will be in the future, would you believe them?

Why can’t it be you?